I swam. For the first time in a really long time I got in the pool and just swam. In the begging, my lungs tightened quickly when I put my face back in and I stopped frequently. I was only swimming for about 10 minutes and I felt weak. I told myself an hour. I kept going. I slowed myself down, I kicked more, I let myself find a rhythm. It got easier and I welcomed the strain on my arms. I am almost completely self taught and I could tell some of my stroked were awkward and clumsy, but I kept going. I wished I had a coach. Someone to stand where and make adjustments with my arms, tell me to kick harder, glide longer, tuck my chin. My hair knotted up quickly and my goggles leaked, but I swam. It felt nice. It felt good to be home. 

Today during swim lessons I had one of my usual classes. Usual cheerful girl who smiles and sits up and bounces when she talks. The kind of kid who crams in a fact of their past week before they have to go. She has the personality that you can’t help but love. 

Today she surprised me. She had been swallowing water the week before and it made her tummy hurt and today she complained of it again. I told her to take it easy and I’d remind her to close her mouth when shes done breathing. Suddenly her eyes began to well up and I asked if her stomach really hurt that badly. She shook her head and said “No. No its just … I just miss my dad.” She went on to tell me that he’s half way across the world and that she doesn’t get to talk to him every night because sometimes she falls asleep too early. Then she told me that she would see him in only two and a half months. Two and a half months. I wondered how long she had been waiting. Her mom had come over at this point and when she saw that her daughter was missing her father she smiled and said “We can see Daddy in 63 days!”. I took the other kids and her mom hugged her daughter by the side of the pool. We finished the lesson and I couldn’t help but think of her love for her father and how long the two of them had been counting down for. They talked as if two months was nothing. Her devotion was inspiring. A childlike love is beautiful. It is unquestionable, it is unfading. 

I go from a fluttery nervous excited feeling in my stomach to a heavy one when I stop and think about it.

The words “this is it” keep playing over and over and over. This is it. This is my last chance. 

You go Hawaii.

Everyone is jealous.

I love those boys. :)

• Bleh Bleh Bleh. My submissions for senior art show are pretty lame. I don’t really paint or draw. I should get into the habit of just drawing something. I want to improve. I’ve never really pained before either. Might be fun.
• My hair is falling out from all the chlorine and whats still left is bleached and dead. Hair cut time. Goodbye rapunzel. :’(
• Graduation is so close. Still not fully prepared. I have a lot to do before I leave.
• Going to take my favorite kids to a school carnival tomorrow. I’m really excited.
• Nothing good every happens in a Thousand Splendid Suns. Nothing. Half way through and their entire lives suck. Or maybe are good for five minutes and then they suck again. Kite Runner gave some hope. Not this one.
• Nobody emails me back.
• Been thinking about people who deserve each other. Selfish, egotistical, lazy people who deserve one another.
• I need to buy more chocolate for strawberries and cake pops.

This has been blogging.