I have no idea how I am going to pay for college. I need to get my scholarships in because I know that almost my entire education is going to come from me. So while a thousand dollars here and there are great, it still doesn’t change the fact that for me to go to a school, with no clear ambition in my mind, I’m still going to wind up with thousands of dollars in loans and that I will have to pay for with a job that I don’t have. I could go to community college, live at home. But that really just feels awful. I honestly do not want to share a room with my sister anymore. I love my family, but I need to get out there. I can see myself in the city, I can see myself on the beach. Staying at home feels so stifling. I want that adventure and education, but I don’t know if I can afford it. I can’t afford an education.
Days of Diversity went well. It is always an incredibly stressful week for some and I’m thankful for those who put their time and effort into the kids who usually couldn’t care less and are really just rude human beings.
THE FOOOD. I live for DOD fooood. Fried rice is my weakness.
Went home and slept for an hour.
Mr. CV was cute. Congrats to all the seniors. I was definitely laughing at a lot of those performances. Jane looked beautiful in my dress.
I guess a bat has been living in my house for about a day now. They saw it flying around while I was gone. A little mouse with wings. It was pretty cute.
I had swim lessons after school. I had to take over a difficult class because a guy was being a wimp about teaching a thirteen year old girl. You are teaching her how to kick, not groping her. Calm down. My one person class is now a 4 person class. Stayed late to finish lesson plans and people talked to me. I didn’t know what to do.
My hair dried weird.
I forgot I had to make cupcakes so now I’m making cupcakes.
I still want the jcrew dress.
I still don’t want to pay for the jcrew dress.
I haven’t taken a flash picture I like yet for photo. I have neglected it for so long.
I don’t know what shoes to wear tomorrow.
I should be working on my LAP
I need to buy frosting at the store tomorrow. And tooth picks.
Every time I see an “artsy” teenage photo I just think about how everyone in the picture was probably like “take a picture of me looking up” “take a picture of me hugging this tree” “take a picture of me in the rain” “take a picture of my shoes” “take a picture of me and this person” “take a picture of me being weird” “take a picture of me making out with my boo”
Because half of my pictures are people asking for a picture.
I don’t understand colleges. The system is strange and with over 30,000 applying to most UCs I know its impossible to always make the right choice. Maybe its because they are my friends, but I think they all deserved to go to their dream schools. Not for the status or entitlement, but because they should go where they think they need to be.
But then again, maybe what you get, is better than what you asked for.
Patti offered my the job but I honestly don’t know when I’m going to go in to train. I have about 12 hours committed to the job I already have and I still haven’t done progress reports. I went babysitting tonight but that means there was minimal studying for tests and a lot of playing with their cat. And I still have a trophy for one of my basketball kids. And the waste audit. And college admissions. And I need to find subs for outdoor school but nobody is the world subs for me. And murals. And there is so much art to explore but I don’t find the time for myself. And I don’t know. It’s really hitting me this week that I’m graduating.
Patti’s trial session went well. I studied the entire lesson plan because I had no idea what skill level they would be. As it turns out, they give you difficult kids on purpose to test your strength. The kid didn’t want to put his face in and they were like “give him a break” and I was like “he’s been swimming for 10 minutes he can put his eyes in”. But I didn’t say it out loud because I want this job. And the next class was with the girl with the shortest attention span ever. “So breaststroke is when-” and she is swimming under the water doing god knows what. But I was strong. Overall good. Got good feedback. It’s not super chlorinated so it felt nice.
I had a dream that the Senior Ball venue was too small so I had to put the entire prom on in the cafeteria and people weren’t wearing their dresses and I had my green dress on but I had no group or date and nobody appreciated all the hard work I put into the tables.
My flash won’t pop up. I don’t know what to do. jdsglkjgkjfkswaj
I know I don’t treat you as nicely as I should but I was never too mean. Don’t do this to me baby. Please. I will clean you and dust you and I’ll even get you a case. You want a pretty new camera strap? Anything. Please babe. Don’t give me Error 5.
AND FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET JESUS AND EVERYTHING CHOCOLATE STOP POSTING STATUSES YOUR COLLEGE ACCEPTANCE LETTERS. Unless you achieved something like Stanford, I don’t care. I don’t care what CSUs and UCs and whatever you got admitted to because I realize now I have likely been rejected from most colleges I applied to. I don’t know why I thought I was good enough.
Everybodies panties are in a wad about Kony. Unwad them. Awareness was spread that this problem is still going on. It is now an individual choice how you want to react.
There was an earthquake a few days ago and I hate earthquakes. I hate them so much.
I hope my home will be a person. Someone I can share my life with and have them as my constant. I don’t need a house with cable or fancy clothes. I already have too much. I am more than blessed and I think there is more to life than the suburbs. I have experienced it and I enjoy my life and my family, but I honestly don’t want to be a housewife. I think I really could go anywhere in the world and live in any condition if I am with that someone who I think is out there. To completely build a foundation on another is something I don’t hear a lot of. People get married to their husbands and wives, but they also marry their homes, their cars, their jobs. Maybe it’s a fairy tale, but I’m hoping one day I’ll find that connection.